you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize