i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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