hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
