She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
