I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
