Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
