my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
