worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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