# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
