do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
