Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
