i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
