I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
