I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's blow job season.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
