I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
