Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
