My friends, they love my intelligence
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize