please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize