i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
