Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
