so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize