Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
