You just made me feel so damn special
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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