About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
