Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
