I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
