I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
