Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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