so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
