I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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