where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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