Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
