she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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