Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
