I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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