You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
