Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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