Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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