Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
