I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
