The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
