maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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