YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
