I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
