my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
