I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
