Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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