I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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