evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We have started to decorate penises.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
