This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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