We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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