you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
