Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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