you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And then he peed in my hair
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