Kiss
Puke
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
