so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
