Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
