Your tits are I can't wait for
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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