i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Green mimosas i think yes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize