Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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