The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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