so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
