Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
