Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
