Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
