i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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