sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We just shotgunned beers for America
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
